I've got a question for all of my periodical followers of my blo. It involves a question of faith I'm hoping you can answer. The question is this. When God has given you a promise of something that He says He will do for you, does it become a lack of faith if you step out on your own and begin to do the footwork to make that promise come true? Or is it more of a lack of faith to sit back and do nothing, and merely wait? Case in point, which is somewhat the reason for my question. For going on probably 13-14 years now God has promised us a house. My mom and I. Somewhere we can call our own, a physical, real home in the country, entirely owned by us, no mortgage, rent, or leasing, that will become our earthly shelter until the day Christ calls all His believers home in the rapture. A nice, quiet little house in a fertile piece of land, somewhere out in nature.
To give you a little back history on this, shortly after 2001 God gave both mom and I not only the urge for finding a house, but also the promise that we would have one some day. Not just a Heavenly home for eternity (all believers have this promise, but I'm highlighting it anyways for clarity), but also an earthly one, albeit temporary in the grand scheme of things. At least that's my understanding, and if any of you hear from the Lord something that would counter that understanding, I'm all for hearing your input. I don't claim to be the best listener when it comes to God, something that is much to my chagrin, but I do try to listen as much as possible.
Anyhow, late that year and early into the next we set about house shopping. We did our homework, found out all kinds of things to know about owning a house, buying land, real estate dos and don'ts, mortgages (wow, are those scary), taxes and the whole gambit of things. We did this for about 3 months and then God said "Stop, you've seen and done enough. Now let me do the rest." It's 2015. We're still waiting on God. At least once or twice since then I've stepped out and tried house hunting again only to get shut down by the Holy Spirit. There was no reason why given. Just a firm command to stop looking.
Yet neither of us have had that feeling that God will still bless us with a house, which will have to be of a miraculous nature, go away as yet. There's been no confirmation, or condemnation of the idea. Just a gentle silence, and repeated statements of "wait." That's it. "Wait." One thing I have gotten since then, which is a rather odd answer, and yet not at the same time, comes from a time when I pressed God for more information about the house. My answer?
That's it. Gideon. In some ways it's similar to God's answer of assurance to me about His provision by giving me the single word "Manna". For any of you who've read my Manna book know the full story behind it, but suffice it to say, that one word had a ton of meaning to me. In much the same way the word, or more correctly the name, "Gideon" spoke volumes to me. Whatever God is going to do to provide us this house, it will be a Gideon like experience, one where God so pins us in a corner and leaves us in such an impossible situation that the only way that God can fulfill His promise to us is if He does it miraculously in a way that only He can get the credit, and all 100% of it.
I think the place where my faith is wavering is the fact that neither mom nor I have seen ANYTHING in regards to a movement in the direction of us getting that house. We've been given encouragements along the way; other people getting houses given to them miraculously by God in ways that only He can get the credit. Yet we've seen absolutely nothing in regards to the promise being answered for us. I've really wanted that house for a long time and we've clung to that promise in ways that seem unreasonable, believing despite a total lack of evidence that what God told us is still true, and that we did indeed hear Him right.
I guess that's where my question of faith comes in. Did we hear from God correctly all those years ago, and is His promise still true today, or did He NOT tell us that, and this dream about having a house of our own is a fruitless pipe dream created by our own will, but is something that is NOT God's will. To be honest I'd rather face the crushing reality that the "promise" we've been holding onto is a lie we created ourselves to suit a selfish desire we had years ago that was not in God's will than to hold onto a lie and face utter, crushing disappointment and perhaps a shaking of our faith in God when it's not fulfilled.
I'm not saying that what we believe to be a promise from God isn't true. I'm merely saying that I'm open to God correcting my belief in a promise I believe He gave me IF what I believe is wrong. If I'm right, and He did give us that promise all those years ago, I guess what I'm praying for now is a confirmation that the promise was real and is still in effect. If it is, then what is my next step? What should I do? Do I continue waiting and do nothing, or am I somehow expected to step out in faith, trusting in God that He will indeed fulfill that promise, and begin taking the steps towards getting a house.
Is that all He's been waiting on, or is there more? You see my situation here? On the scale of things that we'd want while still in this world, this would have to rank easily in the top five, if not the top three. As such, I'd like each of you to pray for mom and I. Pray that God reveals the true nature of this promise to us. Is it a lie we created, or is it really from Him? I'm not doubting God. I'm merely trying to take myself, and mom, out of the equation. We're finite and flawed. We make mistakes. And as any engineer knows, the fastest way to solve a problem is to remove the flawed part from the equation.
That would be us. We're frail and flawed, but God is perfect. As such I'm wanting to remove us from this equation leaving only God. So if you could please, pray for us, pray for insight, for revelation, for God to either reinforce and reassure us of this promise, or once and for all kill it dead and bury it. Yes, I'd like my own house, a dream I've always had, this side of Heaven. But even if I can't have it, I'm content as I know I have a Heavenly home with a mansion unlike anything this world has ever seen. So even though I have a mansion waiting for me some day, nothing says I can't enjoy a little time in a little tent of my own this side of eternity. :)