Pouring Out A Warrior's Heart
Tue, 18 Nov 2014 18:26:28
Sitting here tonight I've been pondering a number of things about my life and the experiences I'm going through right now. For those of you who don't know me or know my struggles, let me give you the dime tour. I'm a 42 year old single man with ADD, Autism and Aspergers. Yeah, fun combination, no? Add to that I have no full time or regular paying employment, or income of my own, and I live with my mom who has dementia. On top of that God has given me the job of a watchman; a believer whose job it is to warn others, both believers and unbelievers alike, of the dangers around them and what's coming.
I've taken that job to heart and really attacked it full strength despite the trials in my life. But lately it seems that the trials have pretty much overwhelmed me. To some that might sound like defeatism. I don't see it as that. I see it as being close to the victory line. What do I mean by that? Well, first off, the scale and intensity of these attacks of Satan tells me that something big is coming and Satan knows it. After all, why the sudden uptick in attacks against both of us if nothing big is in the pipe in the near term?
We know, through a revelation from God, that at some point He will heal my mom of both her dementia and her diabetes, making her fully healthy again, after which He will give us a house and a new assignment and/or mission field (ie, we may be moved somewhere else for a time to work for Him there) where we will serve boldly for God. But as the days of training come to a close (I don't have an exact date, just a general timeframe, and a rough one at that) the attacks from Satan grow stronger by the day and in some ways more frequent.
Even worse, the tasks that God has given me to do right now as part of my work and training seem to have hit a dead end. One of the big ones is my writing. God gave me the gift of literary prose to help expand His kingdom and teach other believers the things they need to know and do. Yet over the past few months I've been stonewalled totally on my writing. The fact that I'm writing this now is only possible by God's divine intervention. Otherwise my mind was blank and unmoved despite having lots of notes to motivate my creativity. That to me speaks of a satanic attack on my life and ministry in order to silence me.
I know this because normally, when God has something for me to write, He'll put an itching in my soul that can't be scratched unless I write. And what comes out of those itchings are some very insightful articles and booklets that bless a lot of people. The problem is, as I said above, I haven't had that itching, save for a little bit here and there, and I mean very little, for several months now and it's bugging me.
I love writing things for God by His leading and I love teaching others, but to have a dry spell this long and deep ...(read more)
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